Most people that talk about your true self or authentic self start by talking about your feelings and how you need to “connect to it”
But I’m going to start by saying this:
“There is no need to take charge of your emotions and feelings…And there is no need to stay in control of anything.”
That’s because your true self has nothing to do with emotions, feeling and control.
You’re looking in the wrong direction for it.
I’m going to show you a much simpler way that doesn’t require control, willpower or motivation to connect and stay connected to the very best part of you.
Let’s dive in.
Blog post after the jump
I started by saying that:
Your true self has nothing to do with emotions, feeling and control.
And that’s because your emotions, feelings, your sense of identity, choices, habits aren’t tangible and solid things – even though they feel that way sometimes.
They aren’t a big permanent block of stone sitting inside you.
They are fluid.
How they work is that:
They come to life, you feel them and then they drift away.
They’re always in constant motion.
And as they drift away, something new replaces them moment by moment.
You don’t need to chase it to become it.
Because you are always connected to it.
You ARE it.
All you need to do is to ALLOW it to come through.
Imagine you have a river flowing. And there are all kinds of things floating downstream in that river.
You are not the things floating in the river.
You are the river itself.
Your emotions, thoughts, feelings etc…they are the little bits of stuff that float in the river.
But most of us do not realise this.
So we get stuck trying to label and control all the little bits floating through us.
We think that this is all there is.
What we don’t realise is that there are new bits of stuff getting into the river every moment.
This new stuff will float downstream and push out the old stuff because that’s the nature of the system.
You’re not in control of it and you’re not responsible for whatever flows through the river.
It’s life taking form in you.
You don’t have to get in and control any part of it.
And you need to do is to keep looking upstream for a fresh flow of water.
And that’s how it is with our thoughts, emotions and feelings.
There is no need to control anything.
What you experience now at this moment is only for this moment.
There is a new thought and feeling on its way if you ALLOW it to happen.
It will happen If you’re not trying to jump in to correct the bits of thoughts and feelings that are already floating downstream.
That’s the design.
And that’s WHO we are.
It is our true nature as human beings
There is nothing you need to DO to get to that place where your true self resides.
You’re already connected to your best and true self.
You’re simply getting caught up by the bits of thoughts and emotions that are flowing through you moment by moment.
But if you don’t get caught up in them, you’ll see that there is something constant and solid underneath them.
That is your authentic self.
It shows itself through your innate intelligence..
And it shows itself through the bits of calm that rise in you without effort, after the chaos moments of thinking.
It comes when you’re not trying so hard to find it simply because you are ALREADY it.
At the time when I was caught up with binge eating, everything seemed so personal to me.
I felt I had to be in control of my thoughts,
And I felt that willpower and motivation were what I needed to help control my food urges.
I was in my head all the time.
Finding my true authentic self became my mission.
I wanted to prove that I wasn’t this person I saw in the mirror every day,
That I wasn’t this person that I feared I was.
But then I had an insight.
A moment of clarity as they say…
I had always assumed that I had to clear my mind of everything I did not like.
And I didn’t know that it wasn’t necessary to do that because my mind has a self-correcting design.
It doesn’t need me to correct anything because It does that by itself.
My job is always to allow it to do its job.
Knowing this made things a lot easier.
It meant that,
My past thoughts and feelings didn’t mean anything about me.
And there was no need to jump in to change them, label them or prove that I wasn’t what those thoughts said I was.
There was certainly no need to try to jump in and predict future thoughts either.
The more I saw myself as the river and not the things floating through it, the easier it was to allow myself to just BE my true self.
It got easier to get a fresh perspective about situations I faced and not take any thought so seriously..
Better and calmer thoughts started floating through by themselves.
I didn’t need to “create” them by trying to “think positive thoughts”
And I became more aligned to my true self because I saw that innate health and wisdom are my true nature.
They are part of my true self.
I don’t have to chase them or try to make them happen.
They are WHO I am and when I let go of trying to “be something” and relax, they come through with ease.
Things pass through you moment by moment.
And the things that pass through you don’t mean anything in particular about you.
Even though you’re experiencing them, they don’t mean anything about you.
It’ crucial for you to understand this.
They are snapshots of moments.
When you’re not trying to control them or predict what is coming next…
Life becomes a lot easier and you operate more from the default space of your true self.
Your default space is WHO you are.
It is innate intelligence, health and peace and it’s something that we all are.
When you allow yourself to simply notice (but not engage with) the bits of thoughts and emotions floating through you moment by moment,
…You’ll ALWAYS automatically get back to your authentic and true self.
I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance. I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.