One Extremely Reliable Way For How To Calm Down.

"You gain more control by letting go of control"...When you give up the need for something, that is when you make space for it come.

By ELIZABETH ARCHIBONG

How to calm down starts by addressing a simple misunderstanding we have about how we operate as human beings.

There is a false assumption that being calm has to do with how much control we feel in situations we face.

Today, I’m going to share a simple shift that can and will get you resting in the peace of your mind even when things feel out of control.

Let’s get started.

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When you give up the need for something, that's when your mind begins to calm down and create the space for it come.

I had an email from a member of the tribe yesterday. She was giving feedback on an experiment I had suggested for her to experience the nature of THOUGHT.

After 7 days of the experiment, she got back to me and she talked about how wonderful the results of the experiment were.

Here’s a snippet of the comment she made..

“…I’m learning that you gain more control by letting go of control.”

There is a certain magic that rises in you when you begin to see the truth of this insight.

Everything.

Absolutely everything we assume we are (ego) rises from trying too hard to hold onto things.

It is what the world has taught us to do.

Chase. Grab. Hold on with all your might.

We learn that we must take action rather than wait to see the pattern of things unfolding.

And that we must react rather than respond.

So we do these things over and over again on autopilot whilst we fight with our minds for peace.

We assume that our thoughts and mind are our enemies.

And that if we could just dominate them the way we try to do everything else in our lives, then somehow we’ll feel okay.

We’re frustrated when things get worse instead of better.

And we feel stuck and stagnant.

But here’s a gentle reminder for you…

When you give up the need for something, that is when you make space for it come.

It doesn’t matter what it is that you say or believe you must have before life can get better…

When you give up the need to have it, be it or do it…that’s when you begin to feel lighter.

It’s when the fight with your mind dies and BEING one with yourself becomes beautiful.

You give up the need for something by permitting yourself to be present in the experience of it without expectations

These past weeks I’ve been seeing a lot of people play out their mental health on social media.

And one of the most popular ones is these silly memes on Instagram about what to do so you don’t gain the “quarantine 15.”

This immediately tells me these are people with a great need to be in smaller bodies.

As someone who spent almost her entire life trying to find ways to be in a smaller body, I understand the real fear and desperation attached to this.

Having gone through the journey and come out on the other side, my response to clients that come to me with this is:

When you let go of the need to be in a smaller body, that is when you begin to see the missing piece of the puzzle.

Your body is like the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west every single day without help from you.

You do not need you to control it. It already has a set point.

It is not suddenly going to go haywire just because you’re not constantly on the move and trying to bash it.

And it is more intelligent than you give it credit for.

The problem is that you’re not listening to it.

You’ve been going on autopilot for so long, looking for solutions on the outside to help you feed the need to remain in a smaller body.

It never occurred to you that your body doesn’t need your help to do that.

There is a true weight attached to your body and it isn’t one that is obese or underweight.

Your true weight is one where your body finds and maintains its balance on its own.

And more often than not, your body just wants you to get out of the way.

It wants you to allow it to do what it is naturally designed to do – which is to get you back to your set point.

You get out of the way by giving up the need to do anything with it except to bask in your experience of it.

The same way you bask in the experience of the sun without feeling the need to do anything to make it shine brighter or hotter.

You bask in the experience of the sun because you trust deeply that it will do what it is designed to do every single day.

It never occurs to you to question if the sun will do its thing.

And once you can get to this point with your body…

…You’ll begin to work WITH your body rather than try to dominate and corral it to do what it was already designed to do on its own anyway.

As you rest in the experience, how to calm down naturally, will come from seeing that there is more resting underneath the noise of your mind.

On another Instagram post was an angry lady.

She was angry that someone could yearn her mundane hair salon visits to cover her greys when there were people dying and others losing their jobs.

I mean, how dare anyone miss the simple things that show the range of what makes us human?

To this lady making this angry comment, we’re not allowed to do both.

We’re not allowed to be empathetic to the moment but at the same time miss the simple things that bring joy.

Or even if we did miss them, we’re not allowed to openly acknowledge it.

In her mind, there’s only one way to be in this period and that is to hold on to the need to think and do things the “right way.”

And the right way for her is to focus on the most extreme of what is not in our control and then spend time trying to “feel” and “think” our way out of it.

By now, you and I both know where this need leads to, right?

Yeah.

Misery.

Because we’re not designed to be that one-dimensional.

It’s not part of our nature.

So guilting yourself into a box and riding the worry and fear train helps no one.

It just lowers your immunity and makes your body work harder to keep you balanced.

When you can see that there is more underneath the noise, it's a lot easier not to take the noise too seriously...and you can then discover that being calm is a natural part of your true nature.

I’ll end with one of my favourite quotes from writer Franz Kafka.

I’ve already shared on here before but I think it is so apt for this period:

“You do not need to leave your room.

Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary.

The world will offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet”

There is so much noise going on right now.

But the key is to wait, be quiet, still and solitary.

You’ll begin to see how life unfolds.

There is a pattern to it.

Life is always unfolding.

Always.

It’s not in your control and it never was.

And when you give up the need to be, do or have whatever it is you think will give you the control you crave…

That is when true power and control is in your grasp.

Because you’ll be responding with ALL that you are rather than with the one-dimensional frame created by your mind at the moment.

You’ll respond to ALL life as it unfolds and not just to the stories playing out in your mind about life unfolding.

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