Feeling lonely and want to know how to be alone and happy?
Then you’re in the right place.
Because today, I’m going to share with you the one simple shift for how to be alone without being lonely.
The best part?
There’s nothing you have to do. It only requires an internal shift.
Let’s do this!
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Blog post after the jump
How to be alone and happy starts with how you frame your situation to give it meaning.
We all play different games of life with the jobs we do, the people we have around us and the experiences we have.
…But they are not WHO we are.
When you start from basics of WHO you are,
…You’ll see that feeling lonely is something that we construct from the inside-out.
It isn’t something that happens to us.
The problem is that most of us are used to the noise of having people around us that we do not how to be alone.
We see it as something to avoid.
And that the people we have around us are the difference that makes the difference.
They complete us and make us feel what we want to feel.
But here’s the thing:
It is very possible to be around people and still feel lonely.
So the first thing to take away from this is that being alone is not what leads to the feeling of loneliness or unhappiness.
So if being alone is not what leads to feeling lonely, what does?
How you frame the situation to give it meaning is what creates or dispels the feeling of loneliness.
It is also what guides you on how to be happier – no matter what.
The stories you tell yourself are what create or dispel the feelings of loneliness.
These stories also help us feel happy regardless of whether we’re alone or surrounded by people.
Most of us are in our heads a majority of the time.
We’re either trying to predict to the future or examine the past.
And we’re never fully here in the present moment.
But what is required for you to be happy and stop feeling lonely whilst alone,
… Is to show up and engage with your present moment.
To frame it in a way that gives meaning to you.
You don’t have to like every aspect of the present moment, but you can find things about it that you enjoy.
Showing up to each moment and finding things to enjoy about that moment is what allows you to be alone without feeling lonely.
It’s not the things or people outside you that create the feeling of happiness, it’s what you tell yourself about them – Always.
I’ve been known to go a full week with nothing but minimal interactions with very few people and still be happy.
This is where I usually get comments like:
“well, you’re a natural introvert, you’re comfortable in your own company”
And this is where most people start to create labels.
But labelling ourselves and living from the box of that label is precisely where the problem begins.
Because more often than not, If you label yourself as an introvert,
…Then that means you’re obligated to act in a certain way that ascribes to that label.
And if you label yourself an extrovert, then that means you obligate yourself to always crave the company of others before you can feel okay.
But the labels are what cause the problems.
Introvert, extrovert, happy, sad, sensitive, etc…
They’re not who we are.
When you can look beyond the noise of all the labels you give yourself, as well as the obligatory behaviour that comes with each of these labels, …You’ll begin to see your true nature.
And it is one that never changes.
It is one that is very stable.
And it is from this space of your true nature that you’re able to show up to each moment.
You’re able to see it with wonder, engage with it and enjoy it without waiting for something or someone to make you feel happy.
Loneliness, happiness, sadness and anger.
They are all feelings and can be temporary and fleeting if we allow them,
…Or they can stay longer than they need to if we keep revving them up by clinging to the labels that we put on ourselves.
The games of life that we choose to play are also categories and labels that we put on ourselves that lead to the feeling of loneliness.
And make no mistake, we all play the different games of life each day.
The jobs we do, the people we hang out with, the experiences we choose to have and so much are the games of life that we play.
But the trick is understanding that you are not the games of life that you play.
You are that stable and unchangeable force underneath all the noise of the daily game you play.
And the feeling of loneliness or happiness only comes with how you frame each moment that you show up to – especially those moments when you’re alone.
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Thanks so much! Needed this. Love the podcast version
You’re welcome, Sarah. Glad you liked the podcast. 🙂
I too feel this is a thought provoking post. I have spent and do spend much of my time alone and had no trouble doing so until recently. I discovered I felt happier in the company of another and this friend is no longer present in my life so am finding it hard to return to my comfort in being alone.
Thanks for the reminders.
You’re very welcome Susanne. Glad you got some insights here.
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