I think it’s fair to say:
“We all want to be happy”
The journey of how to be happy with yourself is one we all travel.
We’re always looking for ways to be happy and we’re always looking for ways to “better” ourselves.
Today I’m going to show why comparison is not as as bad as everyone says it is.
I’ll show you how you can use it effectively as tool that serves you and not hinder on your journey.
Let’s get to it.
Most people like to bash social media and glossy magazines as villains that create endless channels of comparison.
But here’s the thing:
Instagram, facebook and the rest are not the reason why we’re not happy.
They’re also not the reason why we keep comparing ourselves to other people and finding ourselves lacking.
These channels are the easy scapegoats that we use to avoid the underlying issue.
From an early age, we learn that we must compete for everything we want in life.
We learn that competition is good.
A majority of us also learned that to win, we must compare ourselves with others and be the same or better.
And we began to accept that we can only be happy when we are the same or better than others.
So striving and chasing perfection became something we accept as the norm
But the truth is:
When you learn to see that competition is not as relevant as you think,
…And that you’re always creating your experiences from inside-out
You’ll see that comparison doesn’t have to be something that creates so much drama in your life.
And it also has nothing to do with how to be happy with yourself.
You’ve just been innocently looking it from the wrong perspective.
Whether you want to or not, you’re ALWAYS comparing yourself to others.
Your brain is always filtering and filing away information whether you’re aware of it or not.
As human beings, we’re always creating new things in our lives.
We are hard-wired to create new experiences for ourselves.
We’re hard-wired to CREATE.
But the problem comes when we innocently use this against ourselves.
Once we’ve used comparison to get clear about the new things we’d like to create in our lives,
…We go a step further and tell ourselves that we’re not happy because we don’t have these things in our lives.
But when you understand the nature of how we create our experiences…
You’ll see that what we create in our lives, is very different from what we “FEEL” about our lives.
They’re two separate things.
Creating things in your life is an outside job.
It’s like a manufacturing process.
Your feelings have nothing to do with it.
The only thing you need to create the outcome that you want is to give yourself permission to show up and engage with the process.
As you engage with the process, your innate wisdom kicks in and guides you step by step if you allow it to do so.
But what you FEEL about yourself is an inside job.
It’s like a mining expedition.
Moment by moment, based on the thoughts passing through you, all kinds of feelings will rise up – regardless of what you’re creating on the outside.
Creating outcomes in your life using comparison as a tool versus feeling an emotion (happiness)
Showing Up and Engaging with a process vs. thinking and being aware of emotion (happiness).
Manufacturing vs. Mining.
Outside vs Inside
Read those sentences again.
Each shows two separate camps that we innocently see as one.
Each camp requires a separate and different process.
We believe that our feelings and emotions have something to do with the outcomes we create in our lives and vice versa.
But they don’t.
We believe that we must “think and feel” a certain way before we can show up and engage with our lives.
But this is not true.
This is not how we create our reality as human beings.
And it is this simple misunderstanding of inside vs outside that causes the chaos.
That’s why the richest man on the face of the earth can feel suicidal and the poorest can feel happy and well adjusted.
But these conditions can also be the other way around.
There are successful people that are happy and well adjusted and there are not so rich people who feel bad all the time.
That’s because contrary to what most people think:
What you do and create outside is not directly linked to what’s going on inside.
Related Reading: Choose Your Actions Not Your Feelings
It’s when you take a simple method of clarifying what you’d like to create in your life and make it into a “self-worth” project… that’s when the problems begin.
Nothing that you want to create in the world says anything about your self-worth.
On the rare moments, I spend time on Instagram…
I might see things that I like, things and people that inspire me and places I might like to visit.
I bookmark those things.
They become things and outcomes that I would like to create in my life if the opportunity arises in future.
But these things never become a quest for proving my self-worth.
They don’t become a story that I use to bash myself with.
That’s because I know what is true for us all as human beings.
I know that what I create out in the world, has nothing to do with proving my self-worth or determining my value as a human being.
They are nice things to create and put out in the world.
And they are nice things to experience.
But, even if I didn’t create or experience those things, WHO I am, my core nature and self-worth never changes.
That core essence and who we are NEVER changes.
This core nature of innate wisdom, health and resilience are what ensures that we bounce back after disappointment.
They are also what ensure that we come back down after the euphoric highs of satisfaction from creating results that we want.
Related Reading: Why It’s Not Always Bad To Compare Yourself To Others
How to be happy with yourself depends on the extent that you can see that you are already WHOLE and don’t need fixing.
Your self worth is a given.
There is nothing you need to do to get it.
And so there’s nothing that can take it away either.
If you can understand that your self-worth has nothing to do with what you create in the world…
Then comparing with others is a great tool to help you get clarity and focus.
And when you can see that WHO you are can never change regardless of the outcomes you create…
…Comparing to others can help you see possibilities and opportunities.
Because comparing is simply contrasting.
And the contrast is what helps you get clear on where you are and where you may want to go next.
But it’s got nothing to do with WHO you are. That never changes. It ALWAYS stays the same.
The reason why you don’t see and FEEL this fact is because you’ve innocently been looking in the wrong direction.
I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance. I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.