Clarity, change and transformation become much easier when you understand power of deliberate creation.
Whether it’s how to deal with negative feedback from a job or how to deal with rejection from a guy or friends or family,
…the feel is of it is still the same.
You can’t escape that feeling so I’m not even going to try to tell you that you can.
But I’m going to show is how to make yourself bullet proof to rejection and negative feedback so you bounce back quickly from it,
…and make it totally irrelevant with respect to what you want to create and become in your life.
Let’s get started.
Blog post after the jump
A few days ago, I was having a conversation with my cousin about negative feedback and the word “NO.”
You see, she’s just graduated from University and is trying to launch herself into the world of full-time employment (yay! happy days!)
But the question that plagues her most of the time is:
“What if they say No?”
The fear of the answer to this question means more often than not, she’s takes herself out of the game before she’s ever needed to.
She doesn’t apply for some jobs because she thinks they may reject her.
And when she does put herself in the game, she mentally tortures herself about the outcome of interviews. She thinks they may reject her for someone better.
But here’s the truth as I see it:
Maybe they’ll give negative feedback and say NO and maybe they might pick someone better.
None of that matters.
Because it has nothing to do with her. (Not in the way she thinks anyway)
We BECOME the rejection and negative feedback.
And we tell ourselves that there is something fundamentally wrong with us because someone said NO to us.
Also, we add so much meaning to the word NO that we take ourselves out of the game or play it with a handicap rather than full out.
I want you to picture a child in your mind.
Now imagine how many times that child hears the word “NO” on any given day.
Does that stop that child from bouncing back and moving on to the next thing that catches his / her fancy?
Of course it doesn’t!
That’s because children haven’t yet learned to add meaning to the word NO.
They haven’t yet learned from the world to link rejection and negative feedback to their self-worth. And they see everything in terms of moments.
If kids have the ability to do this, then it means that we also have that ability.
We are born with it. It is our core nature.
We only learn to make rejection and negative feedback about us as we become adults.
Jobs, relationships, money, whatever…
Some of the things you want to create will come out great and some others won’t.
But your core essence never changes because of that.
The thing you need to understand about how to deal with rejection is this:
– The person that said ‘NO’ to you probably doesn’t see the benefit of your offer or see how you could be a good fit for them.
– Or they don’t want to do or feel what they know they’ll have to if they accept your offer
– Maybe they genuinely know they don’t want what you’re offering.
None of these has anything to do with WHO you are.
Does knowing this information mean you won’t feel like crap if you get negative feedback?
You didn’t get what you thought you wanted so you’re bound to feel a bit run down.
But you can’t take it any further than that.
Creating and putting things out in the world is simply a manufacturing process.
The more you adjust your processes, recipes, systems etc., the better results you’ll get.
But who you are is a mining process.
The more you get to space within, the more you see your true nature.
You cannot manufacture your true nature.
It is already present in you.
And it is WHO you are.
But you CAN use your true nature to manufacture better results on the outside.
And you can use your innate wisdom to lay your path of least resistance rather than relying on your intellect alone to respond to situations.
You can depend on your superpower of resilience to help you bounce back to your default setting.
No matter what event is going on outside of you.
You can feel things without BEING things.
And you can feel the sting of rejection, but you don’t have to BECOME it.
This simple truth is the reason why a kid will cry about it for 10 minutes and in the 11th minute, they’re laughing their heads off about something else.
And like kids, we do have the innate ability to feel without becoming what we feel…
This simple truth and the extent to which you can see it, is what makes rejection irrelevant.
The reason why most of us never do what we want is that we’re afraid of the feeling of rejection.
There is no need to fear the feeling of rejection.
It is temporary and it will pass.
That is how the human design is.
You get to experience the thoughts that pass through you but you’re not the feelings they create.
The more you put yourself in the game in spite of your feelings, the greater the chances are, that you will create your impossible dream regardless of whether you get a ‘NO’ along the way.
The ‘Yes’ you want always resides in the land of “No”
I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance. I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.