FEELING EMPTY? Here’s How To Improve Self Esteem (Fast!)

When you stop trying to "fix" things on the outside so you can "feel" better on the inside, you're on your way to building concrete self-esteem and self-belief that can withstand anything. It's never about "doing" stuff even though that's what most of us mistakenly believe.

elizabeth archibong

I’ll start by saying there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing to fix. You are already WHOLE.

I find I need to say this often because when it comes to learning how to improve self esteem or anything linked to WHO we are…

…the world has trained us in so many ways to keep trying to “fix” ourselves.

But when it comes to “feelings” there is usually nothing to fix.

There is just a different way to see ourselves and how we create our experiences as human beings.

A lot of the suffering we go through is because we misunderstand how we create our feelings and emotions.

We “think” that they have everything to do with what is going on outside of us.

So we spend time trying to “fix” something so that we can “feel” something.

And on and on it goes.

But what if I told you that your feelings are temporary?

What if I told you that this feeling of “emptiness” is one of many passing through you and isn’t permanent?

What if I told you that your feelings have absolutely nothing to do with your self-esteem?

Albert Einstein once said:

“If I had an hour to solve a problem, I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem… and five minutes thinking about solutions”

In other words, the quickest way to solve a problem is first understanding how to think about the problem

This is where a majority of us fall.

We do not understand how our mind works…

Nor do we understand our nature as human beings and how we create our experiences.

We approach learning how to improve self esteem the in same way that created the problem…

By throwing a lot of action and trying to use willpower and motivation to “fix” it.

But all that is required is to understand how to think about it.

And understanding how to think about it starts by looking in a different direction.

So knowing what we now know, here's a different way to think about self esteem:

We always mistake our feelings for WHO we are.

And we believe that because we’re feeling it, it must mean something about us.

But it doesn’t.

Our nature as human beings gives us an innate gift of awareness.

We are aware of everything that goes on around and in us.

This means that we’re aware and feel every thought that passes through us.

And as each thought passes through us, it comes with its own flavour or feeling.

…And that’s it.

It doesn’t say or mean anything about us or WHO we are.

A thought and a feeling that has passed through you – that’s all..

Some of these feelings stay longer because WE hold onto the thoughts for longer periods.

Again, it doesn’t say or mean anything about who we are at our core.

It just means that we’re holding on longer than we need to thoughts that have that particular flavour.

The feeling of emptiness is not different than the feeling of happiness. They both come from thoughts that pass through us moment by moment.

They are temporary and they change.

When we can see the temporary nature of our thoughts and feelings…

And when we can also see that they don’t mean anything about us…

It’s a lot easier to let them pass through us without trying to jump in to fix or manipulate them.

The less we try to jump in and fix them, the less they hang around.

In his book: Mindsight, Dr Daniel Siegel talks more about this and looks at how the brain works.

He writes about how to notice your emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them

Your true self-worth and self-esteem dwells in the space beneath the noise of your thoughts and feelings.

It dwells in that space within you that never changes – no matter the circus that is going on in your mind moment by moment.

When you allow yourself to look beyond the noise, you’ll begin to see what your true nature and self-worth are.

You’ll discover that in that space within resides innate wisdom, peace and a clear mind – ALWAYS.

Also, you’ll discover that there’s nothing you need to change or fix but only more to see.

You’ll see that you’re more stable than you ever thought.

And you’ll see that the reason you felt different was that you got distracted by the noise of the circus of your thoughts.

But like a circus always moves on to a new destination, the feeling of emptiness and the thoughts that create it will pass… if you allow it to.

You don’t need to jump in to stop the noise. Your mind has a built-in function to do that.

The kindness of the design of who we are as human beings ensures that we ALWAYS return back to our default nature of innate peace and a clear mind.

Your mind always self-corrects.

The only thing it needs from you is get out the way and allow it to correct itself.

You get out of the way by simply noticing that you are not the thoughts and feelings passing through you.

Tony Fahkry explains beautifully on medium : why you are not your thoughts and feelings. Check it out to take this conversation further.

This simple act of noticing but not getting caught up in the thoughts passing through you is where true freedom and unshakable self esteem rises from.

So I’ll repeat what I said at the start:

There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing you need to fix. This means, there is nothing you need to do.

You are already WHOLE.

The more you keep looking beyond the noise towards the direction of your core essence…

The clearer you’ll see that how to improve self esteem. begins by understanding your true nature.

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Hey there!

I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed with setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance. I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.