Feel Like You Should Be Further Ahead By Now?… Read This.

When you let yourself be a part of the story rather than becoming THE story... The fear of not doing enough and the feeling of being left behind starts to look different.
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By ELIZABETH ARCHIBONG

Ever feel like you’re not doing enough even though you’re completely overwhelmed with things to do?

Maybe you thought you’d be further ahead in life than you are right now, or maybe you have this list in the back of your head of things you should be doing.

No matter what, it feels like whatever you’re doing doesn’t quite seem to be enough. And seeing other people’s successes can trigger this feeling of inadequacy. 

Today I’ll share a different way of looking at from the inside out to create your own path of least resistance – no matter the situation.

It’s never been about where you are in comparison to others. It has always been about creating your own path of least resistance and today, I share something that can help you move that needle in this direction.

Let’s get started.

Don't Want To Read ? Listen Instead. (10 mins)

Blog post after the jump

woman in field with text overlay - Ever feel like you're not enough? Discover one simple insight on what to do when you're always busy but yet, still feel behind in life.

So for today’s conversation, I want to talk about the two versions of me, you, us…or at least what seems like it.

One version of me is extremely laid back. She finds something to laugh about everything.  Her approach is that everything has a solution that is simpler and easier than she can imagine. Nothing is a big deal,  things just flow and she responds to them as they come.

 

The other version of me is the aggressive one. The one that reads meaning into everything. 

She is a control freak that believes only she is capable of getting things done. She’s always trying to do many things at once and when she isn’t doing that, she’s talking about all the things she has left to do. 

She worries that she’s not doing enough and is afraid of being left behind. In fact, she’s someone I don’t like being around all the time because even I find her exhausting.

 

For a while, I noticed these versions of me. More importantly, I always thought the aggressive version of me was the real me and she needed fixing to become this aspirational and nice version of me.

What all this means is that I was always on some spiritual or personal development journey or the other to get there. I had so many rituals going to get to that nice and aspirational version of me.

 

Along the way, I started noticing that the two versions of me showed themselves at particular times.

 

When I was writing, teaching and having conversations about things I enjoyed, the aspirational version of me appeared without effort or much thought.

Sometimes, I would surprise myself with the responses I gave when people wrote in to ask questions. I would be amazed that those answers actually came from me. They were not planned, they just flowed from me.

I would start writing without having clear boundaries and suddenly I would have pages of stuff with no clue where the words came from.

This is what I like to call creativity in action. My cool self doing its thing with no prompts but the freedom to just be.

 

The other version of me, the insecure and anxious one tended to show up when I was dealing with money and food in particular. 

I found that she showed up more often in moments of high stress. And for a while, money and food created a lot of anxiety for me.

I was always afraid I was going to end up getting obese or staying obese.

There was a constant struggle with trying to lose weight all the time. And of course, in my mind at the time, there’s never enough money.

So any situation that required me to solve problems with money became a stressful one. Because I was always reminded of just how much money we didn’t have and how much of it I needed.

And since a lot of things in our lives as human beings have to do with giving and receiving money in some form, plus, we all have to eat every day, you can guess correctly that the neurotic and insecure version of me was constantly present. 

 

For a while, I was always jumping between the two versions of me and constantly looking for a way to get the nice feeling version to stay longer – especially in those high-stress situations.

I told myself that if I only remembered to do my rituals during the high-stress situations, then I could be this nice feeling version of me in those situations.

 

This kept going until I came across this quote from Syd Banks:

An important thing to realise is that Universal Mind and personal mind are not two minds thinking differently, but two ways of using the same mind.

There is one Universal Mind, common to all, and wherever you are, it is with you, always.

There is no end or limitation, nor are there boundaries, to the human mind”

The insight I got from this is that:

There is ONE version of each of us. And all that happens is that we simply use our mind in two different ways.

When you notice events for what they are without putting yourself at the centre of it all, the fear of not doing enough begins to fade.

Seeing that there is ONE version of myself, and all that was happening is that I was simply using my mind in two different ways opened up something in me to face my fear of not doing enough or being enough.

It showed me that I didn’t need any rituals to get to the aspirational version of me that was enough because she has always been there from the start.

But when I used my mind in a way that focused solely on my performance in any situation, I became neurotic and insecure.

It made sense because: 

whenever we are focused at any moment on how we’re performing and judging ourselves, we almost always never perform well. There’s just too much noise going on in our heads.

But when you notice events for what they are without putting yourself at the centre of it all…

When you are not making it all about you, how you’re performing, how you’re feeling, what you should or shouldn’t feel, what you should or shouldn’t be doing, what happened in the past and what could happen in the future… things flow.

 

The aspirational version of yourself begins to show up more often because you are using your mind differently.

You are not making yourself the centre of attention anymore but just letting yourself BE a part of the story.

Incidentally, you’ll no longer feel overwhelmed or worried that you’re not doing enough.

The fear of being left behind by others melts away because you begin to work your own unique path of least resistance to get you to where you want to go.

 

This is what happens when I’m writing, teaching and coaching. I’m not the centre of attention. Instead, I’m part of the story and I’m present in the moment.

What made it look like I was not doing enough and dealing with the fear of being left behind was that I was in a habit using my mind two ways.

 

In some contexts, we have a habit of letting things flow and being a part of the story.

And in other contexts, we have a bad habit of making it all about us and letting ourselves be the centre of attention. 

 

For me,  I had a habit of unhelpfully filtering everything about the situation through me and my worry filters first before I could let things happen.

When I saw that there was just ONE me using my mind in helpful and sometimes unhelpful ways and more importantly in a habitual fashion… things became easier.

Because it suddenly didn’t matter what the event was or what I was doing, at any moment, I could let myself be a part of the story or make myself THE story.

 

I could suddenly see that when it came to food, fat loss, money… I was letting myself be THE story.

  • How was I eating?
  • What was I eating?
  • Was it right or wrong to eat that?
  • But how about what I ate yesterday, should it affect how I eat today?
  • Would it affect the number on the scale?
  • But why am I still not losing weight?
  • Will I lose weight if I eat this?

 

And oh God! It’s exhausting just writing this out.

Can you imagine having this in your head every time you have to eat and come in contact with food?

It was all about my past experiences, my potential future, what I was feeling, what I doing and how I was doing it.

Suddenly, I was realising that I could either shine the flashlight straight into my eyes and stumble around or I could the shine a light outwards to illuminate the path and let myself see what I saw about anything.

It turns out that being a part of the story and letting things come to mind as you respond is a really powerful way of using mind.

Rather than filling up space and making yourself the story, being a part of the story and letting things come to mind seems to be where the sweet spot really is.

Permitting yourself to notice when the two versions of you show up creates space to allow for innate wisdom to show.

Where are you making things all about you?

In what events do you notice the neurotic and insecure version of you coming up?


Notice it. Don’t try to do anything about it. Just be aware of how you’ve been habitually making yourself THE story rather than a part of it.

You don’t have to do anything. Trust me, the act of noticing this is what creates the change. If you try to jump in, you’ll just add more noise and become even more neurotic about it.

See what you see about out the instances where the neurotic and insecure self shows up and in the others where the cool and confident one shows up.


What is different about these instances?

There is something that happens when you begin to notice habitual way you make yourself THE story in any situation. Try it out for a few days and see what you see about it.

Err...This is where I bribe you for your email address but I won't. Instead...

I'll say this to you. If like what you've read so far and you want to learn more about living and creating from inside out then I'd be honoured for you to join my little tribe.

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Hey there!

I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance.  I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.