Today we’re talking about relationship fights and relationship arguments and how to overcome them with ease and keep them from destroying your relationships.
I’m going to share with you a simple insight on how to bypass constant fighting in a relationship.
These simple insights are what have transformed my relationships and experiences with those around me from constant and painful energy draining drama…
… To one that is full of quiet confidence, mutual respect, intimacy and most importantly total alignment with WHO I am.
And I know it could do the same for you too.
So If you’d like a different way of how to do relationships and bypass a lot of the relationship fights, then this could help point you to something that could make the difference.
Let’s dive in
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Blog post after the jump.
The false premises and beliefs we carry about how relationships should be, are what cause a lot of relationship fights and unnecessary suffering.
This is the first insight that I see when it comes to constant fighting in a relationship.
We have a lot of false premises and beliefs that we carry around for a lot of things including relationship.
I’ll share a perfect example from my own experience:
So, this morning in between sets of squats and military presses, I caught myself still fuming over an interaction I’d had with my brother a couple of hours earlier.
We’d had just a quick 5-minute conversation that brought up all kinds of drama and feelings in me.
I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see things the same way I did especially seeing as it was “all for his own good.”
So I spent the next couple of hours in my head (as you do) having imaginary conversations about imaginary outcomes.
All of which involved me being the victim that would have to sort out whatever drama I believed would occur because he wasn’t doing what I thought he was supposed to do.
Does this scenario sound familiar?
Because let’s face it, we do this all the time in all the relationships that we have. Whether it’s with it’s with your partner, boss, mother, brother, dog or cat.
We all have this thing or habitual behaviours we fall back on in response to things and situations that push us off kilter or shake our ideas of how things MUST be.
And these habitual responses we have to situations cause others around us to get defensive and fall back on their own default response…
This, in turn, leads to the drama in relationships.
And some of these default and habitual responses we tend to have are based on false beliefs and premises…
…one of which is that:
For us to get along, we must see things the same way.
And if we don’t, one of us must change the way we see and do things otherwise, we can’t be together.
This false premise is what causes a lot of relationship arguments.
But here’s a different perspective I’d like you to consider instead.
We all create our reality from inside out.
When you’re able to look beyond the behaviour and actions of others towards what is underneath, it’s easy not to take those actions too seriously.
And it’s also a lot easier to make yourself unavailable to the reality of others that don’t serve you.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care for them, it just means that you don’t present any more opportunity for them to see you as a moving part in the reality that they’re currently playing out.
The mistake most of us make is that we believe we have to “solve” or change parts of people in our lives before we can find happiness.
And so we make ourselves available to those habitual and insecure parts of their reality and we dive in there and make it ours as well.
It becomes a downward spiral from there.
But when you're able to see that others' behaviour doesn't say or mean anything about you...
...And they're only just feeling unstable and trying to find their bearings by falling back to their default and habitual responses...
It's easier to be more compassionate
And it’s also easier not to dive in there and make yourself available to those habitual behaviours.
The more you’re able to see this, the easier it is for situations to calm themselves and everyone to go back to their default of innate calm.
Because innate calm and wisdom is really our true nature.
It is what lays underneath all the noise of our moment by moment thoughts and thinking that we have about everything we observe in our world.
It is that part of us that is unchanging and unchangeable.
And so we have no choice but to always fall back to that default state once the dust settles.
That’s why we all look forward to what comes after the relationship arguments.
We love the part of making up.
Because even though we don’t realise it, at those moments, we’re falling back to our default state of innate peace and wellbeing.
And it is a natural state that will always happen if we allow it.
So here's the final word on relationship fights and overcoming them with ease...
We all have moments of low and insecure feelings that drag us into habitual responses that don’t serve us.
It’s what makes us human.
But your ability to see this unchanging truth about yourself and others…
…Is what will allow you not to take these habitual responses too seriously and therefore make yourself unavailable to them.
It is also what will allow you become more compassionate.
And when you’re more compassionate, you’ll feel less need to “prove a point” about who’s right or wrong.
Because at the heart of it, even though it seems that way, it’s never really about that.
You ability to see this simple truth is where true freedom is.
So here’s to messy but blissful and healthy relationships…
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