Feeling Judged? How To Stop Caring About What Others Think

The need to prove that we are not what we fear we are or what others think about us is one that causes a lot of needless suffering.

By ELIZABETH ARCHIBONG

How to stop caring about what others think is something that we all want but a majority of us don’t come close to achieving.

And this is because the problem starts with HOW we try to achieve it.

Today, I’m going to point you in a direction that if you choose to explore, will make what others think irrelevant and the fear of judgement redundant.

So, let’s get started.

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portrait of woman on beach with text overlay - How To Stop Caring What Others Think. Feeling judged? Discover a simple way to escape the addiction to approval.

The need to prove that we are not what we fear we are or what others think about us is one that causes a lot of needless suffering.

Yet, each day, a majority of us spend our waking moments on that fruitless journey. Because we’re under the mistaken assumption that it has something to do with WHO we are; that it means something and that it defines us.

But it doesn’t.

Because every one of us creates our realities and experiences from inside-out.

This means that we can both look at the same thing and yet see and feel something different.

Nothing outside can make you "feel" anything inside...

We all operate under the same set of universal principles of how we create our feelings and experiences.

When you can understand this simple premise, you’ll see that the need to care so much about what others think becomes redundant.

And you’ll permit yourself to stop caring what others think because everything is always from the inside out.

Nothing on the outside can make you FEEL anything.

How it works is that you have thoughts about something that someone does and then you FEEL those thoughts.

So it’s:

Thoughts about event = feelings about the event.

Most often, we think that it’s the other way around.

We think that people do something and we feel it.

People judge us and we feel it.

But the missing piece here is “thought”.

People judge you > you have thoughts about that judgement > and then you feel it.
outside action > thought> feeling.

This is how it works for us all.

So, whatever anyone is thinking about you creates their feelings about you moment by moment and there’s not much you can do about that.

They also can’t do much about what you “think” about them moment by moment.

When you understand how thoughts and feelings work to create realities, you’ll see that we’re all feeling our thinking moment by moment.

But just as it’s never a great idea to dive into your mind to change your thoughts – it makes things worse.

It’s not your job to try to change people’s thoughts so they can have different feelings for you.

What is crucial to understand is that they are not the ones causing you to “feel judged”.

You need to see that the feeling of “being judged” comes from a thought that you’re having at this moment.

The need to do something about it comes from that feeling.

How to stop caring about what others think starts by seeing that the feeling of “being judged” or anything else will pass... but only if you ALLOW it to.

When you see that thought is ephemeral and very temporary,

You’ll also understand that what you “feel” moment by moment is NOT who you are but an experience that you’re having at that moment.

When you can see this simple premise, it’s easier to let all kinds of feelings pass through you without needing to DO anything about them

But this is where the problem comes from. We don’t like to experience what we call “bad” feelings.

The world has taught us to do all we can to avoid these “bad” feelings. It has taught us to always chase a perpetual state of happiness.

So anytime something close to what we call “bad feelings” brushes against our minds, we get into a frenzy trying to correct it.

We do it either internally by adding all kinds of meaning to it or externally by throwing a lot of action against it.

Your feelings are traffic signals that help you navigate your thoughts better.

What if I told you that you need to have the “good” and “bad” ones? (although there’s no such thing as good and bad feelings).

These feelings with different flavours are what can help you decipher which thoughts to take seriously moment by moment.

They are what tell you which thought is dragging you away from your default state of innate peace.

That’s what your feelings are there to help you with.

They are the key to knowing how to stop caring about what others think.

Based on what you feel at each moment, you’ll have a sense of the type of thought that’s passing through.

This is what tells you whether it’s a good idea to keep pursuing and holding onto a particular thought.

Related Reading – Mindsight: The New Science Of Personal Transformation (a great book that shares a method about how to notice your emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them)

When you’re able to see your feelings as traffic signals, you’ll see that it gets a lot easier to detach from them.

So knowing this, let’s get back to the feeling of “being judged.”

The more you allow them to take you away from your default nature of calm, the more you suffer.

That’s the way it works for us all as human beings.

So the next time you “feel” judged, don’t turn it into a personal development project or a problem that needs to be solved.

It doesn’t say anything about you and it has nothing to do with you.

A thought is passing through and creating the feeling at that moment.

Notice it and see it as a traffic signal instead.

Then decide if you’re going to chase and hold on to the thought or let it pass through, taking the feeling with it.

That is how you free yourself and how you stop caring about what others think.

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Siedah | I Am Love Blog says:

November 27, 2018 at 10:23 pm

Great article – it is very detailed. I had to tweet this line “It’s not your job to try to change people’s thoughts so they can have different feelings for you.”

It isn’t our job to change peoples thoughts about us. We can agree or disagree or remain neutral.

We can only control ourselves. Great article!

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