How to stop caring about what others think…
It’s something that we all want but a majority of us don’t come close to achieving.
Not because we don’t want to, but because the problem starts with HOW we try to achieve it.
Today, I’m going to point you in a direction that if you choose to explore, will make what others think irrelevant and the fear of judgement redundant.
So, let’s get started.
Article starts beneath the jump…
The need to prove that we are not what we fear we are,
Or what others think about us is one that causes a lot of needless suffering.
Yet, each day, a majority of us spend our waking moments on that fruitless journey,
because we’re under the mistaken assumption that it has something to do with WHO we are.
That it means something and that it defines us.
…But it doesn’t.
Because every one of us creates our own realities and experiences from inside-out.
This means that we can both look at the same thing and yet see and feel something different.
We all operate under the same set of universal principles of how we create our feelings and experiences…
When you can understand this simple premise,
You’ll see that the need to care so much about what others think becomes redundant.
And you’ll give yourself permission to stop caring what others think.
Because everything is always from the inside out.
Nothing on the outside can make you FEEL anything.
How it works is that you have thoughts about something that someone does and then you FEEL those thoughts.
Thoughts about event = feelings about event.
Most often we think that it’s the other way around. We think that people do something and we feel it.
People judge us and we feel it.
But the missing piece here is “thought”.
People judge you > you have a thought about that judgement > and then you feel it.
outside action > thought> feeling.
This is how it works for us all.
So whatever anyone is thinking about you creates their feelings about you moment by moment…
And there’s not much you can do about that.
They also can’t do much about what you “think” about them moment by moment.
When you understand how thoughts and feelings work to create realities, you’ll see that we’re all feeling our thinking moment by moment.
But just as it’s never a great idea to dive into your mind to change your thoughts – it makes things worse…
It’s not your job to try to change people’s thoughts so they can have different feelings for you.
What is crucial to understand is that they are not the ones causing you to “feel judged”.
You need to see that the feeling of “being judged” comes from a thought that you’re having at this moment.
The need to do something about it comes from that feeling.
When you see that thought is temporary and will pass…
You’ll also understand that what you “feel” moment by moment is NOT who you are but an experience that you’re having at that moment.
When you can see this simple premise,
It’s easier to let all kinds of feelings pass through you without needing to DO anything about them
But this is where the problem comes from.
We don’t like to experience “bad” feelings.
The world has taught us to do all we can to avoid “bad” feelings.
It has taught us to always chase a perpetual state of happiness.
So anytime something close to what we call “bad feelings” brushes against our minds, we get into a frenzy trying to correct it.
We do it either internally by adding all kinds of meaning to it or externally by throwing a lot of action against it.
What if I told you that you need to have the “good” and “bad” ones? (although there’s no such thing as good and bad feelings)
These feelings with different flavours are what can help you decipher which thoughts to take seriously moment by moment.
They are what tell you which thought is dragging you away from your default state of innate peace.
That’s what your feelings are there to help you with.
They are the key to knowing how to stop caring about what others think.
Because based on what you feel at each moment, you’ll have a sense of the type of thought that’s passing through.
This is what tells you whether it’s a god idea to keep pursuing and holding onto a particular thought… given the taste or flavour that it shares with you at that moment.
Related Reading – Mindsight: The New Science Of Personal Transformation (great book that shares a method about how to notice your emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them)
So knowing this, let’s get back to the feeling of “being judged”…
The more you allow them to take you away from your default nature of calm, the more you suffer.
That’s the way it works for us all as human beings.
So the next time you “feel” judged, don’t turn it into a personal development project. It doesn’t say anything about you and it has nothing to do with you.
It’s just a thought passing through and creating the feeling at that moment.
Notice it and see it as a traffic signal instead.
Then decide if you’re going to chase and hold on to the thought or let it pass through, taking the feeling with it.
That is how you free yourself with ease. It is how you stop caring about what others think.
I’m Elizabeth Archibong. A Nigerian girl obsessed setting the rules on fire to create life and results from a place of ease and a path of least resistance. I teach people how to see themselves more simply and accurately. So that they can create and get more of the things that they want.